Here’s what happened. I got mad. Real mad. My patience took a hiatus and I let it all in. Let what in, you say? The pressure of having no income, my resistance to a service job, the unavailability of said service job, the frustration of having no clients and the ensuing desperation, the relative lack of a social life due to insufficient funds and insufficient friends. All of that. I let it run wild all over my mind, my body….and this blog.
And I felt guilty about it. I felt like I had sullied this precious creation of mine, and in turn disappointed or turned off my readers.
I don’t feel I should apologize though. I can edit or remove a post anytime I want. So if I really want to, I can take the offending post down with one click of the mouse. And I might.
At the moment, however, I offer an explanation. I was frustrated. I’d had it up to “here”. I needed to vent to someone other than my poor boyfriend. I’m not proud of taking it out on you, but that’s what I did. And because of that, I guess I owe it to you now to say that things have improved. With some help, I pulled my head out of my arse and started to make things happen. I’m working like a maniac on starting my business (more on that later), resuming the job search with a fresh perspective and creating some pretty crafty Christmas presents.
I realized something. When I started this blog, I thought it would be a great way to keep everyone informed about what I was up to. What it was like to relocate, to co-habitate, to go from big city to small town. I thought it would be a great way for me to practice writing for other people, and to feel connected with all the friends and family I left behind. I thought, in short, that this blog was for me. And if it’s for me, then I can write whatever I damn well please. This is creation! This is where I’m at today; if you don’t like it, don’t read it. And so forth.
But I was wrong. This blog is not for me. It’s for you. You are the ones who read it, it is your feedback that makes me want to keep writing. And, assuming my writing is powerful enough, it is your mood that is affected by reading it. So if my last entry bummed you out, then I can apologize for that. And I do.
This newfound humility is partially responsible for my silence this week. My other excuse is this whole ‘starting-a-business’ business. I promise to elaborate on that soon.
In the meantime, here’s your blog back.